These Lines of Lightning
by killiansbuttercup
Summary: CS AU. Killian and Emma practically grew up under the same roof, the demons of their childhoods bringing them closer together. It isn't until Emma ends up at the same university as Killian that she starts to see him as more than the boy who used to chase her around his yard and protect her from bullies. Perhaps home was never so far away after all.
1. The Middle

_Emma remembered the way it felt to sit in the cold, bleak room, clutching her stuffed rabbit and holding back tears. She was getting a new family, although she knew they could never be a real family to her. How could they be? The Swan's barely were. They had her for 5 years and yes they kept her fed and clothed, but they were never warm and kind to her like her friends' parents were to their children. A man walked into the room, a sad smile marring his bright face. She knew whatever he had to say wouldn't be good news. He had told her that, for now, she was going to have to go to a home for foster children in Boston._

_Throughout the years Emma held out the hope that someone would adopt her. When she was 7, she met Faye, a new student at Emma's elementary school who had just moved to Boston from England. They clicked immediately. Emma would spend most of her afternoons and weekends at Faye's house, not only because she hated being at the foster home, but because the bond between her and Faye was so tight. Soon enough, Emma had even grown closer to Faye's aunt Ariel, who had taken her and her brother in after the…accident. Most importantly, she felt a strange connection to Killian, Faye's brother, almost as if they were kindred spirits._

* * *

_Killian could still recall how it felt when he arrived in Boston. He had a tight grip on Faye's hand as they walked through Logan International, as she wouldn't yet trust aunt Ariel. She had met her only a few times less than Killian; given the fact that she lived on another continent, but he felt like he needed to protect his little sister nonetheless. He had to be strong, he couldn't let the memories of the crash come back to haunt him as they threatened to every night when he lay his head down on the pillow._

**Emma is 13, Killian is 16.**

"You know, when you wear your hair in that topknot all the time you look a lot like Tinkerbell." Emma told Faye with a bit of a laugh. The girls chuckled at the idea a little bit and continued watching Peter Pan. They often had movie nights together on Fridays; it was somewhat of a tradition at this point. Tonight they had decided on a Disney theme. "You know, I think I might just start calling you that now actually." Emma chuckled and dodged a piece of popcorn thrown at her head.

Killian came in the room with a sour look on his face, and anger in his voice "Oi, _Tink_! It's your turn to set the table. Aunt A says." He plopped down on the other end of the couch, away from the two girls.

"Alright Killian, you don't have to get your knickers in a bunch." Faye said, throwing the blanket off herself and leaving the game room to walk downstairs and help her aunt and uncle with dinner.

"What's up your butt?" Emma asked once Faye was out of earshot.

"Nothing, don't worry about it." He mumbled, looking at the TV screen intently, but Emma knew he wasn't really watching. She flung a piece of popcorn at him from the bowl in front of her, and it hit him square in the head.

He looked at her with annoyance for a long moment before sighing and beginning to speak "If you _must_ know, I had some plans tonight and they…they fell through. Ok? Happy?" He said exasperatedly and crossed his arms in front of his chest. Emma took notice of the way his shirt sleeve pulled over his lean biceps. Whoa, when had that started happening? She shook the thought out of her mind and tried to go back to the usual teasing.

"Dave stood you up and you're all broken up about it?" Emma laughed at him and kept nibbling on her popcorn. She extended the bowl to him, and he scooted more towards her to grab some.

"Why do you automatically assume it was Dave? Dave's not the only bloody person I hang out with, Emma." Killian huffed out with a good bit of annoyance.

"Then who else did you have plans with?" She said with a laughable expression, not thinking much else into it. Until it suddenly clicked, and Emma launched over to him to slap his arms fervently and flip out on him.

"Killian, you had plans with a girl didn't you?!" Emma felt the strangest pang of…was it jealousy? It couldn't be. There was no way. He was almost like a brother to her…but then again, he wasn't her _real_ brother, he was Faye's brother, and Emma had to admit he was attractive and getting more so as he got older and…no. She couldn't think about him like that. Besides, he was a sophomore in high school and she was an 8th grader. That's just _weird_, she thought to herself, not really doing much to convince herself, but trying nonetheless.

"You can't tell Faye, okay? She'll tell Aunt Ariel and then it will just get out of hand."

Emma nodded in silent agreement, but she couldn't shake the jealous feelings from her mind.

**Emma is 16, Killian is 19**

"Will you go grab my flat iron so we can finish my hair?" Faye said as she meticulously placed on a line of liquid eyeliner. Emma silently agreed, hopping up from the spot she had been sitting on the bed to walk down the hall and grab Faye's things, all the while being mildly surprised she was taking her hair down from her typical bun for tonight.

Emma opened the door to the bathroom without a second thought and stopped dead in her tracks at the sight in front of her. She could have sworn her eyeballs jumped out of their sockets. Killian had a towel wrapped low around his waist, and was dripping wet; obviously he had just emerged from the shower.

"Uhh," was all Emma could manage out. Killian's head snapped back in her direction as he gave her a bit of a smile. "Emma!" Killian reached out to hug her and then stalled, realizing he was wet.

Emma didn't pay much attention to the gesture, instead mumbled out something along the lines of, "I'm just…grabbing Faye's uh hair stuff. Getting ready for a, uh, double date."

Killian's face noticeably fell a little. Whether it because of the knowledge that his sister was _dating_ or something else, Emma didn't question. She grabbed a hairbrush and a few other things off the counter, knocking a few things over in the process and then trying to pick some things up as Killian's face picked up and he chuckled at her a bit, leaning down to try and help her.

"It's alright, I got it." Emma rushed the words out and walked swiftly back down the hall.

Holy…wow. Killian had been gone for a year at Boston University, and even though Emma had seen him on scattered weekends and during Christmas break, she hadn't realized how much he had…changed. He had _very obviously_ been going to he gym a lot more and had gained a lot more of those lean muscles she seemed to take so much notice of…

Emma walked back into Faye's room, sounding almost confrontational as she dropped the things onto the vanity. "You didn't tell me Killian was home."

Faye seemed confused as she looked up at Emma, "Was I supposed to? Why do you look so flustered?"

Emma did NOT want to talk about what just happened, but more about what she had just _thought_, so she tried her best to change the subject. "Don't worry about it. Crap it's almost 7, they're going to be here in 20 minutes!"

They rushed themselves getting ready, and ran down the stairs when they heard a car pull up. At the corner of her vision, Emma could see Killian lounging on the couch in the foyer. _Damn he looks good. Wait, what?_

He looked up from his intense gaze at the television and Emma could swear she saw his jaw drop. He stared at her silently for what felt like forever and she ducked her head shyly, not knowing how to break the ice after their encounter in the bathroom. She bit her lip, trying to muster up the courage or even the damn coherence to speak, but his voice suddenly broke her out of her incapacitated state.

"You look beautiful." Killian said, looking at Emma. Realizing how that sounded (_and how he probably meant it_) he rushed out a quick "Both of you!"

Emma felt a strange tension in the air after his words as they looked at each other, something passing between them. The doorbell rang and Emma tore her eyes away from his too blue depths. Wow, since when were his eyes THAT blue? Oblivious to the little scene that was going on between Emma and Killian, Faye opened the door for their dates.

John and Cody were typical 16 year old boys; complete with shaggy hair (in dire need of a trim) and saggy pants. Nothing to fawn over. Especially compared to Killian. _This weird inner monologue really needed to stop._

After an intense stare down by Killian to Emma's date (and also Faye's but mostly Emma's) that she could not quite classify as _just _protective, they finally left.

Throughout the movie that night, the image of Killian in a towel and his oddly protective stare towards her date kept coming back into Emma's mind.

* * *

Emma came back to spend the night at Faye's house, as she quite often did. They talked and laughed about the events of the night before they eventually laid down to go to sleep. As Emma often did, she tossed and turned and couldn't get her mind to let her sleep, so she got up and went to the game room to watch some TV.

As she walked in, she saw Killian in his boxers reclining on the couch, flipping through the channels. His abs were still as prominent as ever, and his hair was sticking up in a way that made it look like his hand had been running through it all night. Ugh. This was _not_ what she needed right now. He saw her walk in and put down the remote. "Hey, lass, what are you doing up?" His voice sounded muffled with sleep and _incredibly_ sexy. Ugh, damn this whole growing up thing. She hated herself for thinking of him like this.

"Couldn't sleep." Emma was short with him, and sat at the opposite end of the couch from him, to avoid any more awkwardness. "Aye, I know the feeling…" Killian said thoughtfully.

He looked at her for a long while, assessing the situation. Finally, he broke the silence. "So do you want to talk about earlier?" He scooted towards her a little.

"What? You giving my date a death glare? You were just being of protective of me." She said, knowing that was not at all what he was talking about.

"Well, that's not exactly what I was speaking of." _Shit_. "You know…since you saw me half naked and sort of freaked out and ran off. We've been swimming together a million times and I've never gotten quite that reaction from you." He punctuated his words with a smirk.

"Ya but you were in a towel. It's…different" Emma said with a wave of her hand, trying to somehow pass along the idea of _why_ it was different.

"How?" He chuckled, not for a second believing this façade she was trying to put up. She was an open book to him.

"It just is." She said, trying to end the conversation.

They sat there for a long minute, until all of a sudden Killian walked up and sat down excruciatingly close to Emma.

"I'm going to take a wild guess here," He took his hand and placed it on her face, turning her head to face him. He was so close she could feel him breathing. "And say that you liked what you saw."

"I-I…" His proximity was leaving her short of coherent thought.

"I'm going to kiss you now, and if I was wrong, you can stop me."

All of a sudden she felt the heat of his lips against hers, gentle but passionate. When he realized that Emma wasn't going to pull away, he became slightly greedier for her kiss. It was bruising at this point, and Emma, completely swept up in the moment, pushed him back onto the couch and straddled him, not breaking the kiss.

Killian let out a satisfied grunt.

The sound of a creaking door snapped her out of her lust-filled daze and she panicked. She jumped off of him and settled back down into her spot on the couch right as Faye walked in and gave Emma a sympathetic look. "Couldn't sleep again?"

Emma frowned a little and shook her head.

Faye looked at Killian, still lying on his back on the couch, looking dumbstruck. "What the-why are you-you know what I'm not even going to ask." She walked on the other side of the couch and plopped down, looking at the TV and then back at them, probably wondering why the Spanish dub of Spiderman was on, and why neither of them had seemed to notice.

* * *

_It was a mistake._ She thought to herself. He was going back to college in a few months; nothing was going to form out of it. Why would she even _have _that thought? Neither of them spoke about it the next morning, much less the entire summer.

They especially didn't bring it up when that Christmas break he came home to find out she was dating some guy named Neal . They _really_ didn't bring it up when he brought home his new girlfriend, Milah, a few weeks after. (_They seemed to fall hard, fast._)

**Emma is 18, Killian is 21**

When Faye and Emma _both_ got into Boston University, they were beyond happy, and the first thing they did, naturally, was decide that they were rooming together. (_Was it even a question?_)

After a long day of moving into their dorm room, Emma and Faye were exhausted. Granted they had the help of Ariel, Killian, and Dave; but it was hard work anyways.

After Aunt A left, Faye and Emma laid in their dorm beds and soaked up being college students for little bit, before they decided they wanted to go and explore campus a bit. The best way to do that, in Faye's opinion, was with the help of Killian and his roommates, Dave and Graham. Emma was less than thrilled to see Killian. The last few times he had come home, he had brought Milah with him. They were so lovey dovey, it made her sick. She knew it was probably jealousy after what had happened between them 2 years ago, but she tried her hardest to put it in the past. After all, she had Neal, and she loved him, at least she thought she still did. Usually when you find out your boyfriend got into the same university as you, squealing and excitement ensues. Right? So why couldn't she be happy about it? She'll admit, things had gotten a bit rocky between them in these last few months. He'd been getting in with new crowds and she wasn't quite sure who this new Neal was.

After some retaliation to Faye's idea with some not very convincing arguments, (_but we've been moving all day, don't you want to just lay down?) _She reluctantly agreed to go with.

They took a walk a little ways before they got there, but when they walked into Killian's apartment they were flabbergasted. It was _clean._ He never had a clean room at home. They assumed it must be Dave getting on everyones case.

After some deliberation on where the best parts of campus were to take incoming freshman, it seemed they had finally decided on one particular spot, thanks to Dave. "We can take you guys to the BU beach!" Dave said excitedly. Emma and Faye's confused expressions prompted Killian to explain. "It's not an _actual_ beach, it's just this big open, grassy part of campus." They walked out of his apartment and down a few streets, Faye catching up with her brother and Emma catching up with Dave and meeting Killian's other roommate, Graham.

Faye ran in front to ask Graham about BU's dining hall, if Emma had heard their conversation correctly. She knew exactly what Faye was trying to get at with him. Dave had walked ahead next to them, leaving Emma and Killian alone to look around the open space. This was the first time they had been alone together in a very long time, and it was something Emma had ardently tried to avoid. After shuffling their feet for a minute and a few awkward coughs, Killian suddenly spoke up, introducing her to a statue that was known as 'the whale.' He sat down on the bench next to it, and after a moment of hesitation, Emma followed suit.

It was silent for a moment until Emma finally decided to say something. "So, how's Milah?"

"Pregnant." Killian said shortly, and with anger.

Emma's mouth dropped open, and she tried to say something, _anything_. "Wha-"

"It's not mine." He interrupted sharply.

A short "Oh." was all she could manage. She gathered from his tone that was all he was going to say about it. So she sat there, twiddling her thumbs, waiting until he felt like speaking up again.

"Faye tells me you're having some boy troubles as of late with that Neal fellow you've been dating. Do I need to beat anybody up?" Killian gave a little bit of a smile to make it seem like he was just messing around, but Emma knew it was anything but an empty threat.

**"**I mean…I was, but…I guess I am still. He's starting to turn into this terrible person. He's making friends with people that sell drugs…he's selling too. Can you believe that? They got him to do it too." Emma sighed loudly, considering whether to continue. She was surprised that she was speaking this openly about it, but she and Killian had always been like this with each other. She hadn't told many people about this and she just needed to talk. Killian gave her a look that told her to go on, so she did just that. "I don't want to be dating a drug dealer. I asked him if he was even going to consider how I felt about it and he told me 'It's not your decision. I need money.' Because I guess for whatever reason an _actual _job isn't the way to do that. This isn't how I imagined college to start. So far I just spend most of my time in my dorm al-"

"Hey!" Killian spoke up quickly, surprising Emma and causing her to look up from the ground that she had been staring at while telling the story. "Listen to me, okay? You don't deserve that…I know those people he's hanging out with. You don't need to get involved in that, even by association. Faye told me about some of the other things he's done to you too…You're worth so much more than you think." He moved his hand to place it over hers, rubbing his thumb in soothing circles over her skin. She knew Neal would probably flip out at the sight, but she was so sick of dealing with him at this point that she could almost care less.

Killian lit up out of nowhere, like he had a great idea on his mind. "You know what would make you feel better?" He smiled that beautiful smile she had never been able to resist. Without waiting for her to answer, he told her. "Your first college party! Aren't you lucky I'm 21?" He chuckled to himself before standing up and pulling his phone out of his pocket.

"Oh no, Neal would kill me."

"After what you just told me, I don't think it should matter much what he thinks, love. Don't worry; it'll just be a few of us. Dave, his girlfriend, her friend Ruby, Graham, Faye," Killian had started talking more to himself than to her, mentally compiling a list of people to invite to his house party. "Oh and Victor! Victor HAS to come, oh and Robin," He's pulling out his phone typing away to his contacts, no doubt telling them what he had already let her know. "And Robin will probably bring Regina," Killian looked up to talk to Emma again, rather than himself. "Regina's closer to your age, she's a sophomore, I bet you'll like her."

Oh boy, this was going to be interesting.


	2. In Too Deep

After 3 shots of tequila and various drunken introductions by Killian to his friends, Emma started feeling tired. Maybe she had had enough, and needed to go home.

Emma looked over at Faye's keys near the door, thinking that it was probably time to go back to their dorm. Emma looked over at Faye. _Whoa I can't swing my head that fast_. What she saw when she looked over was a _very_ affectionate Graham and Faye. Faye was sitting in his lap, cup full of punch in one had, and the other hand behind his head, playing with his hair. Their faces were very close to each other. Faye was whispering something to him when Emma walked over and sat down next to them.

"Faye, hey, how are we gonna get home Faye?" Emma slurred, touching Faye's leg and saying her name twice, as though that would help get her attention.

Faye looked at her keys near the door, then at her cup, then at Emma. "I don't really know, we probably can't really walk all that far like this, huh?" Faye looked around, trying to figure out what to do.

"You lot can stay here, after all one of you is kin." Killian suddenly appeared, beer in hand, and addressing the group.

"Killian, I live here." Graham spoke up. Killian silently thought for a moment, and then said to Emma and Faye, as if it was obvious, "I was of course speaking to the ladies."

Faye completely ignored Killian and said to Emma "I think I'm going to go ahead and stay here and talk to Graham, if that's okay." As if she was silently asking Emma to keep Killian away so he wouldn't go into _protective big brother_ mode. She had done that for Faye before as teenagers, which had albeit led to a lot of sexual tension between Emma and Killian, but nothing they acted on, as he was with Milah and she with Neal.

Emma stood up and walked over to the space where Killian was. "I'm really tired. And I can't really walk home." She said, not really knowing what to expect from telling him that, maybe to distract Faye.

"You can sleep in my room if you'd like."

Emma and Killian walked down the hall, Victor punching Killian on his way, expecting something more to be happening than him showing Emma where she could sleep.

"This is it," he said, ushering Emma into the room. As Killian was about to walk out, she turned around to speak to him. "Hey, Killian." He turned back around in the doorframe, cocking an eyebrow and questioning her with his drunken eyes. "Could I borrow some of your clothes to sleep in?" She said it in an almost flirty tone, and she knew she might be taking this in a bad direction. She had been so mad at Neal and seeing Killian after so long had made her feel things she didn't expect and that she was fully aware she _shouldn't_.

"Of course, lass." Killian closed the door and walked over to his dresser to find her a Pearl Jam T-shirt and a pair of his sweatpants. He turned around to hand Emma the clothes and at that moment, she was taking off her t-shirt. "You're not going to stick around to help me get undressed?" She said, with a lick of her lips. _This had to be the alcohol_. She removed her shirt completely, and Killian could feel the blood rush to his groin at seeing her breasts practically falling out of her bra, and the soft curves of her hips. Emma began to unbutton her shorts, and stepped out of them. Killian stared, confused and dumbstruck. "Are you going to take the rest off or am I going to have to do it myself?" She said downright seductively.

"Emma this is a bad idea, I mean you have a-" Emma walked over to him and put a finger to his lips. "Please, help me forget him tonight." She sounded so very broken when she said it, he couldn't resist. The alcohol running heavy through him didn't help, either. He wanted her; he had since they were teenagers. He gave in and pressed his lips to hers. It was a bruising, passionate kiss. He did help her out of the rest of her clothes, and she out of his. Their night was long and dragged out in the best way.

* * *

Emma heard the thunder and woke up to turn on her side to face Killian in the bed. It couldn't have been more than an hour and a half since they had fallen asleep next to each other, as she could still hear the music (albeit not as loud-maybe a sign the party had died down a bit) from a distance in the living room. She curled up into his chest and it felt comfortable, like it was where she should be. But damn if she was going to tell him that. He awoke as well, bringing his hand up to cradle her head, as if to make sure she wasn't going to go away. He kissed her forehead, but his mouth lingered there, and he spoke in a soft tone that was still moderately sullen with alcohol. "Did the storm wake you, love?"

"Yes," she mumbled back into his chest. "You?"

Killian had been awake since the minute he heard the storm roll in and the first crash of thunder sound. Nights like this reminded him of the accident.

_There was lightning, and thunder, and within a matter of a minute there was nothing. He had passed out from the shock the crash had sent through his body. When he awoke at the hospital, presumably hours later, his aunt Ariel was there. Groggy after just waking up from being passed out, he didn't process why she would be there, although he thought it strange._

"It did…but I don't mind it much. Especially having you here with me." He said, continuing to place kisses on her forehead.

"When I was younger, and I lived at the group home in Boston," Emma paused a little, getting a surge of memories throughout that reminded her of that time. Some bad, like her time spent at the home. But also some good, like her time spent at Faye's, and also the time spent with Killian.

He understood why she had paused, and he seemed to be waiting for her to continue, or maybe he was quiet because he was still slightly drunk. She continued nonetheless, assuming the fluidity of her speech was coming from the alcohol still in her system. "When it would storm at night, I sort of found comfort in the thunder and lightning…somehow it reminded me that I wasn't alone."

"It has the opposite effect on me. I guess that's something we didn't know about each other then." He said, cradling Emma back into his arms and drifting back into a deep sleep, just as she did. It was somehow much easier for them to fall asleep next to each other than it was when they were alone.

* * *

Emma had awoken next to Killian, with only faint memories of what had happened the night before. She knew what they had done, and she knew it was wrong, but she didn't want to run from him. She wanted to run to him. She wanted to run _from _Neal. Killian was still sleeping when she arose, so she slipped quietly into his bathroom to shower.

When she emerged she found the same Pearl Jam T-shirt from the night before, and all of her other clothes that had been thrown around the room placed out on the bed for her. She smiled at the gesture and proceeded to get dressed.

Once she had slipped on his t-shirt and walked out into the living room she found him sitting there with a remote in his hand flipping through the channels, with his sweatpants slung low around his hips. His hair had that look like he had been running his hand through it since he woke up. It reminded her of the same scenario they had been in when they had first shared a kiss two years ago. She cursed at herself inwardly for the thoughts she had at the sight of him and the growing desire in her belly. She quickly shut that down, probably due to her guilt.

He looked up at her and smiled wide "Hey, beautiful."

She reeled at his comment, not used to anybody saying that to her, not even Neal, and _much less_ one of her best friends since childhood. "Hey, where is everybody?" She questioned, not seeing anyone around. "They all went to get some coffee. Still hungover from the party." Killian said plainly as Emma sat down next to him. "But while they're gone…" Killian leaned in to try and kiss Emma but she pulled away.

What about "Sorry, I- Last night - it happened so fast and I know it was wrong." Killian looked mildly offended and turned away, avoiding her eyes. She quickly stepped forward, placing her hand on his jaw to bring his eyes back to hers. "But it _felt_ right." She smiled at him, trying to _show_ him just how right it had felt. "I just need some time to think, okay?"

He nodded, understanding and tenderness reflecting in his eyes.

"Go to lunch with me? We can talk about it, if you'd like?" He inquired hopefully.

Emma thought it over shortly before agreeing, "Sure, I guess we can do that."

* * *

"It's good, huh?" Killian smiled at Emma, mouth full of sandwich.

They had gone to a sandwich shop somewhere right off campus that was supposedly Killian's favorite. "Yeah it's good," Emma told him half-heartedly. She was feeling somewhat guilty still, and was having a hard time dealing with her conflicting emotions. Emma looked up right as Killian went to go to the bathroom to see Neal walking in. At the sight of her, he forgot the food he had probably walked in there for in the first place. His pace quickened as he walked over to talk to her.

"Hey, Ems. Where have you been? You haven't answered any of my calls or texts since yesterday afternoon. I was worried about you." When Emma didn't answer him, he just continued to interrogate her, yet the next set of questions was more harsh than the one before. "What were you doing that you couldn't answer me? And what are you doing here alone?" His every word was biting and it cut Emma to the core. Just as she was about to speak and try to explain, she heard a deep voice behind her.

"She's having lunch with me." Killian came out of the hallway leading to the bathroom with a sour look on his face, obviously recognizing Neal from one of the few times he had briefly met him before when he had been home. Neal however did not to seem to remember Killian's face quite as well.

"Who the hell is this, Emma?" Neal using her whole first name didn't bode well for his mood, and Emma knew this. She tried her best to placate the situation.

"This is Killian, Faye's bother, remember him? We were just catching up over lunch."

"No I don't remember him." Neal said pointedly, still ignoring Killian entirely.

"Well, we're having lunch and you're being rude, so I would appreciate it if you would leave us be now." Emma spoke before she thought, surprising herself with her words. Neal was getting too controlling and it was time for her to stand up for herself.

"Whatever, Emma." Neal said, before turning on his heel and walking out, seeming to completely forget about the food he was going to get once again.

* * *

They hadn't talked about what happened after Neal left, or the whole way back. Standing here with her outside of her dorm, Killian decided he should speak up about it. "You need to tell him, Emma. It's going to eat at you until you do." He knew that what had happened last night had made her feel happy but still very guilty.

"I'm…afraid to. I feel like he spent so much time in my life that I owe him something." She told him, putting her hands on the sides of her face in exasperation.

He turned her to face him. "Hey, listen to me. You don't owe him _anything._ You don't owe me anything either. The only person who you owe anything to is yourself. You owe it to yourself to be happy."

"Well, being around you makes me happy…last night, that made me happy." She said quietly, as if she was shy to talk about it. "Neal just makes me sad whenever I'm around him, and angry sometimes too."

"You know, love, if sleeping with me made you happy, I am more than willing to make you smile every night." He smirked.

"That's what you got out of that?" She laughed, "I'm well aware you would be willing to do that again." She laughed again, smiling at his flirtatiousness. "Well, I'm gonna go up to my dorm and take a nap. Still got a headache from last night…"

"Why don't I come upstairs with you, I can help you out with that." This man would never cease with the flirting and sexual innuendos, would he? She was however, having a hard time resisting the big adorable grin plastered across his face, and she relented, dragging him inside with her.

* * *

Killian had ended up staying that night, cuddling Emma and watching movies with her on Netflix until they fell asleep with each other in her crowded twin bed.

* * *

Her phone buzzed right as Killian walked out the door the next morning. She looked at it to see a text from Neal. (One of many she had gotten since her encounter with him at the sandwich shop)

**_Can I see you? I want to talk about yesterday._**

She assumed she would need to talk to him about the situation sooner or later, if not just to calm him down. Looking up, she saw that Faye was still nowhere to be found. Emma chalked it up to her spending time trying to woo Graham. She decided now was a good a time as any to talk to Neal, and sent a quick text back.

**_Sure. Come to my dorm and we can._**

* * *

Neal had come into her dorm pretty angry, but Emma calmed him down quickly with some gentle touches and assurances that Killian and her were just friends catching up. Neal was not happy about her hanging out with him, but he shut his mouth for the time being. "I'm sorry, Ems" Neal said, taking her face in his hands to kiss her. Emma reciprocated, as a girlfriend should do; yet it just felt wrong. She knew whom she wanted to be kissing, and it wasn't this controlling douchebag anymore.

She broke away from the kiss and scrunched her face up in distaste. "I can't do this. I can't. I lied. I slept with Killian."

"YOU DID WHAT?" He boomed.

"Twice." Emma looked down and couldn't understand what had propelled her to do what she had just done. It was the guilt, probably.

Neal stood there, fuming mad and at a lack of words while Emma calmly continued to explain her feelings.

"It's funny because I thought I owed it to you to be with you, after all the time we spent together. You have changed so much, but I kept trying to see someone in you that wasn't there anymore, and I have finally realized that I owe it to myself to be happy. I know I shouldn't have done what I did, but it helped me realize that I deserve happiness."

"You slut! I can't believe you lied to me. How long have you been lying to me?" He barley paused to let her answer before he took it upon himself to make a conclusion. "Probably since we started dating, haven't you?" Emma looked up at him with anger in her eyes, barley containing the immense hurt she felt at his cruel words. "You know what, this is over. I'm done with you. I hope that British piece of shit has fun with my sloppy seconds." Emma was silent. "And when he finally realizes that you're just a sad orphan, unlovable and alone. When he realizes what you've always been. When he inevitably leaves you, Emma, don't come crawling back to me."

Emma was silent. Her stomach was turning and she felt like she was going to vomit. She didn't let it show though, as Neal picked up his jacket and walked out the door, slamming it behind him. As soon as he left, Emma erupted into a fit of sobs. She had no idea when Faye was coming back, and she needed someone right now. She couldn't do this on her own. Knowing where it was she needed to be, she calmed down and controlled her tears before grabbing a hoodie and pulling it over her head and walking straight out the door.

* * *

Emma rang Killian's doorbell, hearing a groan of protest from what she only could assume was due to having to get up from his spot on the couch to answer the door. As soon as he opened the door, Emma rushed out all the words she had been practicing to say on her way over. "I don't know where Faye is and I just need someone right now…" He was completely silent for a moment and Emma looked down, worried that she had made a mistake by coming to look for him. "I don't know if what we have is more than just sexual but I really need-"

"Emma, don't think that sweetheart. You know I care about you." He pulled her into his arms and shut the door behind her.

"Emma, love, what happened?" Killian asked as he moved her to the couch to lay down with him. She nuzzled into his chest and started to tell him about what had happened. "I was with Neal." His face scrunched up in disgust at the mention of him, and anger at the thought that he could have done something to hurt her. "What the hell did that undeserving wanker do to you, love?"

Faye walked in from the kitchen before Emma could answer, to see Killian holding Emma in his arms on the couch and giving her a kiss on the forehead.

"Um, what the hell is going on?" She asked, partially confused about why Killian was holding her in such a way, and partially at the fact that there were tears running down Emma's face. She walked over to stand in front of them with her hand on her hips. Emma looked up at Faye, and choking back an emerging sob spoke, "Neal dumped me, and called me a slut and an orphan." She didn't tell Faye why he had dumped her, deciding that now was not the correct moment to tell her all about the situation with Killian. There was time for that later.

Faye launched at her, enveloping her in a hug. "I'll send Graham to go get some chocolate and we can all watch movies and everything is going to be okay." She said the words in a rush, doing her best to comfort her friend. As she walked out of the room to let Graham know what was going on, Killian pulled Emma tighter to him and spoke.

"I don't know how he could call you an Orphan. You were never alone, love. I've been there, and Faye and aunt A have too." The tears pooling in her green depths made her eyes shine as she looked up at him, a single tear traitorously slipping down her cheek. His thumb swept out softly, erasing the pain from her face.

"Who could ever love me? _Really_ love me?" She sniffled.

He gave her a sad smile, never breaking eye contact, arms never leaving her sides. He stared down to her, looking past all of the walls, seeing this beautiful girl that he grew up with. Except she wasn't a girl anymore. She was a woman, and a bloody amazing one at that. "Me."


	3. Wonderwall

**A/N: The rating of this story has changed to M because i decided to let you all in on some things~ Be gentle, it's my first time writing smut.**

* * *

Emma pushed up off Killian swiftly. "No you don't. You can't." There were her walls.

"You're confused because we were friends for so long and then we slept together…You can't."

"Emma why do you keep saying I can't like it's impossible for me to love you?"

"Because! Nobody could _really love me_, Killian! Neal just…and you can't- even _my own parents_ didn't want me!" There were a million things going through Emma's head right now, she was afraid and she couldn't think. _I have to get out of here, _she thought to herself. "You're confused. You need to think about this." Emma blurted out. She stood up quickly, looking around to find her hoodie.

"Emma, love, i-" She spun around quickly to stare at him dead-on. "I'm _not_ your love." She continued to mumble things about how impossible that was as she caught sight of her hoodie. "Emma." Killian said with hurt in his voice, sounding as defeated as she had ever heard him. She wanted to comfort him, but everything about that idea scared her right now. She quickly pulled her hoodie on and hustled out the door, slamming it behind her.

Killian sat down, putting his face in his hands. He wasn't sure how he could ever get through to this woman when she always had her walls up about love. A few minutes later, Faye walked into the room with Graham on her tail. Confusion and concern marred her face. "Want to tell me what's going on now?" She asked.

Killian looked up at her, surprised. "You mean Emma didn't tell you?" At her still confused expression, he continued, "Or Graham?"

"I haven't seen Emma!" Faye then turned her attention to Graham, swatting his arm hard. "And you! You knew and you didn't tell me?!"

"I didn't think it was my place!" Graham said with his arms up in defeat, and began to mutter something about the 'bro code.'

"Will you two just tell me what the hell is going on?" She said with annoyance.

Killian and Graham looked at each other for a long moment, before Graham blurted out "He's sleeping with Emma!" and hauled ass out of the room with the biggest strides Killian had ever seen him make.

"You're doing _what?"_ Faye practically screamed, her stare burning holes through Killian.

"You mean to tell me you didn't pick up on that? When you spent the night you never figured that out?" Faye suddenly made a disgusted face, before throwing a pillow at him, hard. "You mean to tell _me_ that wasn't David and Mary Margaret making all that noise in the middle of the night?"

"…Yes."

Faye said nothing, trying to compose herself and not beat her brother. "Can you just explain? Or _something_?"

"You want me to explain the noises? That's a little weir-"

"Dammit Killian! You know what I meant, stop trying to skirt around this!"

There was another long silence before Killian spoke up. "You remember when we were 16 and Emma and I were up in the middle of the night, watching the Spanish dub of Spiderman?"

"First of all, I fail to see how that has anything to do with th-" Faye's eyes widened. "You mean to tell me you've been sleeping with her for 2 years?!"

"Gods Faye, no! We kissed once, that night. We didn't again until she got here and things just…they got out of hand. Then Neal found out, and you see what happened with that. It's not just a one time thing for me…I love her. I've had feelings for her for a long time. None of that matters anymore, though, because I told her that and she left here screaming at me about how that was impossible.

"Don't you think that might have scared her? You've been at this with her for a week and you're going to go telling her you LOVE her?" Faye hissed.

"It's not like I just developed these feelings! I've had them since we were teenagers!"

Faye's anger drew smaller. "Well did you tell her that?" There was a long pause of realization before Killian shook his head no.

"I'll talk to her." Faye said, getting up to leave. She turned around quickly as she grasped the door handle. "But if she even wants to talk to you again, you might want to explain that to her."

* * *

Emma sat in her bed, softly banging her head against the wall. Why did she always run? She hated it but it was all she felt like she could do at that moment. After the way Neal had made her feel, she couldn't really grasp the concept of Killian being _in love_ with her. They had slept together, sure, but what other basis did he have to go off of to say that? A nagging voice in the back of her mind told her _almost a decade of friendship, flirting, and a shared sexual tension_.

As she continued to bang her head against the headboard, Faye walked into the room and made a beeline towards Emma's bed. Faye opened her mouth to speak, but Emma cut her off, not yet looking her friend in the eye. "Did he tell you?" she said somberly.

"He did." Faye said before sitting back up against the wall next to Emma.

Emma dropped her head down on Faye's shoulder as Faye reciprocated and dropped her head down on top of Emma's.

"Is he upset?" Emma asked with concern in her voice.

"He is."

"For a long time the only person who I could talk to like this was you. You know, that honest blunt conversation about anything. Then Killian and I got close and I could do that with him too."

Faye made a small noise, not saying anything but encouraging Emma to continue.

"Obviously it freaked me out when he said he loved me. For all I know it could have just been his hormones talking, you know how guys are."

"I do. I _also_ know my brother and I know he wasn't lying when he told me it was something that's been developing for a long time, since that _first kiss_." Faye playfully shoved Emma a little, silently scolding her for not telling her about it when it happened.

"He got together with Milah after that, though." Emma looked up at Faye, trying to make sense of it all.

"You were with Neal…what else could he do but accept that you didn't have those same feelings for him?"

Emma looked down in defeat. "But…I did." There was a long pause after that, neither of them knowing what to say. Eventually, Emma regained some of her bearings on her emotions and spoke up. "It's just too much, you know? Especially right after Neal…I still feel guilty for cheating on him and it's just too much. I just need to be _in college_ and take time for me. I have school to focus on."

Faye knew that nothing was going to change Emma's mind. She was scared, and she was running. When she started running, there wasn't much that could stop her. However, she took one last stab at helping make peace. "I understand. I'm not telling you to do anything but it would probably be nice to go talk to him and tell him that."

Her efforts failed. "I don't want to, I can't. It's too much."

* * *

**December, Finals Week**

"I assume you know you're coming home with me for Christmas break, don't you? I'm not letting you stay here alone." Faye told Emma from across the small dorm room, with a book in her lap, studying her life away.

Emma was on her side or the room in a similar state as Faye, books scattered in all sorts of places. She considered Faye's words for a moment, then said in a small voice, "I couldn't. I'm not…I'm not _family_. I can't impose."

Faye looked at Emma sternly. "Emma that's bloody bullshit, and you know it. You are my family. Aunt A is just as much your mother or aunt or whatever you want to consider her as she is mine. And Killian...well he's been there for you, always." She felt a little bad for bringing up Killian. A few hours from the aftermath of her discussion with Emma after everything had blown up, she had gone to get them some dinner, and when she came back she found Emma panicking again, her walls looked as if they had grown tenfold.

Killian had gone and beaten Neal into a right bloody pulp, and came out with a few bruises of his own as well. He was lucky Neal didn't call the cops, but he did throw more cruel insults in Emma's face until she had to block his phone number. She had freaked out over the fact that Killian was willing to defend her honor with his schooling at stake, considering he could have gotten kicked out. Although he had tried time and time again to talk to her, he never got much more than the simple explanation that it was "Just too much."

"Is…uh…Killian going to be home too?" Emma was almost surprised at the way his name sounded coming out of her mouth; she hadn't dared to speak it for so long. After she had quit responding to his texts and calls, she had decided that she didn't want love in her life, and that it wasn't something she deserved.

She had ended up frequenting the parties of those that she had met in classes and befriended, and drinking far too much for her own good. She had ended up sleeping with a few of friends of friends some of those nights when things had gotten a little too out of hand, and as much as she told herself that all she wanted was no strings sex, every time she did it she woke up in the morning feeling even more empty, used, and dirty than she had before; a feeling that she didn't dare tell even Faye.

"He is." Faye said simply, hoping she wasn't going to try to run away from this just because he was there. To her surprise, there was no fight put up. "Okay, well I'll start packing after my last final tomorrow and then we can leave." The girls made some plans as to the time of their departure, and decided to get an early start out of town tomorrow and leave as soon as they could.

* * *

The girls had packed up Emma's yellow bug with their suitcases that they had filled to the brim with the things they wanted to bring home for their month off. Somehow, Bringing them inside the house seemed so much harder than packing them into the car. Luckily, they had the help of Aunt A and her new boyfriend, Eric.

Once they got the last suitcase inside they began to catch up on things that had happened since the last time they had been home in the middle of the semester.

Aunt A knew there had been some sort of falling out between Emma and Killian and that they weren't talking, but she assumed it was for purely friendly reasons and nothing more. Which for her also meant that asking if they were talking again wasn't a sore subject for Emma.

Emma kept her answer concise, and hoped that it conveyed the fact that she was not interested in discussing the topic further. "Not really."

Aunt A turned to Faye. "Well, in that case, Faye do you know when he will be home?"

"Last I talked to him he said it would be sometime tonight or tomorrow."

"Well, I'll make enough dinner for him too incase he happens to be home tonight."

Lo and behold, Killian showed up an hour before dinner ranting and raving about how great he thought he had done on his Maritime Studies final. If he was angry at Emma, he didn't let it show. When he looked her in the eyes, she only saw sadness and longing, but no Anger.

* * *

_CLAP_

A loud bolt of thunder jolted Emma awake. It took her a minute to calm her harsh breathing.

Ever since the night at Killian's when it stormed, she just hadn't felt the same way she used to about storms. They were no longer comforting, but a reminder of what she had run away from.

After a long mental debate, she had decided to get up and watch some TV in the game room. It wasn't as if it her sleep situation was going to be rectified anytime soon.

As soon as she walked into the game room, she saw Killian sitting there, the same way he had looked those years ago when she had first kissed him, but now the muscles on his chest were even more defined, and he looked even more like a grown man than he ever had before. Emma felt a small rush of heat looking at him in his boxers like this, but did her best to ignore it when he locked eyes with her, and seemed to sense her inner struggle of staying or leaving. "Don't let my presence deter you, you are more than welcome to watch TV with me. Or I can just leave…"

"No. It's fine, stay." She said as she sauntered over to a spot on the couch that was far enough away for it to not make her feel awkward or anxious.

They sat together in silence (minus the Television noises) for a long while, although it wasn't an awkward silence. It never was with him. He was the first to break it. "How have you been, Swan?"

Emma felt a bit of warmth in her chest at the sound of his nickname for her. It had been a while since she had last heard him utter it, and it was nice to hear it again. His presence seemed to have the effect of a truth serum on her, because before she knew it, she was telling him exactly how she had _really _been, in a way that she had not told anyone else.

"Bad. Really empty." She wanted to reach out and touch him for comfort, but figured he might not welcome that kind of contact right now.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked, always the one to respect her privacy.

She felt the familiar tug of longing for his comforting ways. "Yes. I really would." As soon as she said it she was worried he wouldn't want to hear. However, she was wrong. He extended his arm out to her, motioning for her to come closer and talk to him. She obliged, although hesitant at first to get too close. However, once she started talking, her body seemed to begin to gravitate towards his. By the end of her story of late night escapades with too much alcohol on too many nights, she was cuddled into his side with his arm around her.

"…It got to the point where I felt like I had to be drunk to make up for how terrible I felt about what I was doing with these guys that didn't care about me, that I was never going to see again." She put her head on his chest, and after a long minute asked him, "Are you mad?"

"No, I'm not mad. Jealous, yes; but I'm not mad. Those were your choices and I understand why you made them. I was the same way after Milah. I said I was never going to let someone in like that again, that all love brought was wasted time and torment. Then when I saw you again and all those things happened, everything changed. I would have gone to the end of the world for you, or time." He paused for a long moment before continuing. "I still would, even though I know you don't really want me anymore."

Emma felt a tinge of fear at his words. Though this time, she knew she didn't want to run, so instead she explained. "That's not it. I do. It's just the most terrifying thing to me, to let someone in like that. When things get too serious, I just run. That's what I always did, until Neal. Then when he hurt me the way he did, my walls went back up. And when you said you loved me, I started to run again."

Killian knew she wasn't asking for an explanation for his declaration of love, but he wanted to give one anyways. "I said that I loved you because, as much as it may freak you out, I do. I have had serious feelings for you for a long time, even before Milah. I never saw you as just my sister's best friend. You were more than that, you always have been and you still are." He paused for a minute, letting her take in his words, then decided to voice something that was also on his mind. "Emma, if you don't want this to be 'serious' right now, it doesn't have to be. I just – and don't freak out please, lass – I love you. I want to be with you."

Emma looked at him with a deep consideration. "I want to quit running. I want you to prove to me that I'm right for feeling whole when I'm with you." Her honesty shocked even her.

Killian didn't answer in words this time, but in a kiss. He kissed Emma with all the passion he could muster, and it was sweet and sultry all the same. After a minute, it became sultrier. Months of want for each other poured out into this simple act. As Killian continued to kiss her, he picked her up and put her legs on each side of his lap. Emma made a noise of satisfaction and ground her hips down onto him. He answered with a deep groan that was arguably the sexiest thing Emma had ever heard. After a few minutes of this game of rubbing up on each other, Emma finally broke apart from his kiss to voice her intentions. "I want you."

"Are you sure? I don't want to push you into anything."

"I'm sure. I want you to help me feel whole." The double meaning behind her words was not lost on Killian, who immediately began to give into her request. He hooked an arm around her waist and lifted her up to carry her towards his bedroom. "If we're going to do this, it's going to be properly done."

Never letting go of her, he walked down the hall towards his room, and once inside he shut the door as gingerly as he could as to not awake anyone and arouse suspicion.

Killian turned around and laid Emma down on his bed gingerly. He slowly lifted her shirt off, delicately kissing every inch of new skin that came into view. Once it came off, he continued his work on her bra, slowly but surely. Emma enjoyed how he was taking his time with her, and it didn't scare her like it had when some of the other guys had tried to do it. He pulled off her bra and latched his mouth onto a nipple, sucking and nipping gently on it, putting the thoughts of anyone else out of Emma's mind.

Emma whimpered and arched her back ever so slightly at the sensation. He moved his hand over to work her other nipple and elicited another moan from her. Emma felt him smile against her skin as he moved his affections down her stomach and to the waistband of her sweatpants. Teasingly, he licked the exposed flesh right above the cotton barrier in his way.

Once he had seen that Emma had enough of the games, he looped his fingers through both her panties and into her sweatpants and pulled them clean off her. Although he didn't say anything, his eyes were dark and shimmering with desire. He licked his lips slowly and tauntingly as he hovered over Emma's heat. "Tell me you want me love, and I'll give you what you desire."

With little hesitation, Emma managed in a small and fuckstruck voice to say, "I want you, Killian. So much."

At her words his mouth dove forward and his tongue lapped at her clit. Emma elicited a loud moan of delight. "Sweetheart, you have to keep it down if you want to continue."

His tongue continued it's ministrations around her clit, and Emma was beginning to cover her mouth to muffle her moans, it felt so great. Killian was, as Emma had formerly discovered, a very giving lover.

Soon Emma felt him plunge two fingers inside of her. She let out yet another muffled whine. "You like that, Swan?" He said in a devious voice as he thrust his fingers deep into her, hitting that spot that made her groan in pleasure. Her name sounded like liquid sin coming from his mouth, and that made her even wetter than before.

Killian brought her to the edge and back at least twice before Emma began to get frustrated. "Killian" she said through cries of pleasure. "If you want something all you have to do is tell me, love." He loved hearing exactly what she wanted straight from her mouth. "I want you inside me. Now." She rasped. It sounded more like a plea than anything else, but neither party was complaining. Killian kissed his way back up her body to her mouth.

Right as she felt his hard length brush up against her thigh, she broke away from the kiss to remind him. "Condom." She breathed out. He seemed unphased, reaching over to his bedside drawer to procure a foil packet. "Relax, love. I got it." He said calmly, kissing her forehead lovingly. He handed her the foil packet in a silent gesture to ask her to do the honors. She ripped it open and pulled out the latex sheath. Throwing the rapper on the other side of the room, she moved her hand between their bodies and rolled the condom onto his length, pumping him afterwards for good measure. Then it was Killian's turn to stifle his moans.

"Gods love, I've missed you." He breathed, kissing her. He began to line himself up at her entrance, but first looked up and into her eyes in a silent request for permission. Emma just nodded slightly and kissed him, and he then knew that she was sure.

In one swift move, Killian was fully sheathed inside Emma's warm, wet heat. Killian muttered a line of praise into her ear. "Gods love, you feel so good wrapped around my cock." He said, waiting for her to move her hips in reciprocation. She was incredibly turned on by his words and moved her hips up to meet his almost immediately. Killian began to take her with deep, slow thrusts. It was incredibly passionate, and he was looking at her in the eyes all the while when he wasn't kissing her. Emma had never felt so loved in her life. As he sucked on a pulse point, she let out a breathy sigh.

"You're so wet for me." He managed out between thrusts, "Always so wet for me, my love." He grunted as he continued to kiss and harshly nibble on her neck, which was no doubt going to leave a mark, but she was feeling so much pleasure she couldn't bring herself to care.

Emma's walls began to squeeze Killian's length and he could tell that she was getting close. He brought a hand down between their sweaty bodies and began to make slow strokes over her clit. "Come for me, Emma."

His words broke her, as she felt her walls contracting and shockwaves of fiery pleasure envelop her body, and there were stars behind her eyelids. He continued to thrust, helping her to ride out her orgasm. Killian couldn't take it anymore; her walls were too tight around him. "Fuck, I'm coming." He cried out as he thrust erratically once, twice, and then stilled above her for a long moment.

Afterwards, he all but collapsed on top of her, still panting but kissing every inch of her face, muttering praise about how much he loved her.

They laid there for a while, drawing meaningless patterns into each others skin, and smiling like idiots. "Do you think we could make something work? Like, in a relationship." She asked quietly.

"I would love to." He said as an even bigger grin broke out across his face. "I won't push you though, love. I promise." He kissed her as he cuddled up next to her. Her limbs felt heavy, and she was tired. Slowly she drifted off into a deep sleep, with her head curled up into his chest and his arm around her.

* * *

She woke up to the sound of Faye's whispers from the doorway, attempting to wake the pair up.

"What time is it?" Emma said groggily.

"It's 7. You need to get out of here before Aunt A wakes up, or you'll both be in huge trouble."


End file.
